Monday 7 July 2014

BRAND NEW! The 365things diet – guaranteed* weight loss!

Here at 365things, I’m always eating. Ok, maybe not always, but regularly. But I am always looking for ways to counteract the effects this has on my waistband. So at the last Clandestine Cake Club, I shared some of my top tips with the other CCC guests. Everyone agreed that I was onto A Sure Thing. With this in mind, I now proudly present you with the brand new revolutionary 365things diet! Move over Atkins and Dukan: this is going to be The Next Big Thing. Yay!

1. Broken food doesn’t contain calories. 
The calories fall out. Simple! Now, we had a debate over whether the food had to be found broken, such as the inevitable last biscuit in the tin, or if the biscuit accidentally breaks when you're lifting them off the baking tray, VERSUS purposely breaking biscuits so that the calories fall out. I'll let you make up your own mind on this, but I fall into the former 'accidental' breakage camp. 

2. Food from other people’s plate doesn’t contain calories either. 
I’m not sure of the physics behind it, but the food is on someone else’s plate, that person consumes the calories even if they don't consume the food. This goes double for food from a child’s plate – children are so active, they burn the calories extra quick!

3. Calories consumed on birthdays and other occasions don’t count.
This could be your own birthday/wedding/christening/promotion or someone else’s. So, go on... enjoy that extra slice of birthday cake!

4. Particles that drop off your food contain more calories; don’t eat those.
Gravity is your friend! For example, if you’re eating a croissant, the little bits that flake off are heavier and so fall off. So enjoy your croissant or pain au chocolat in peace! Just remember not to pick up all the crumbs with your finger. 

5. Gravity has an effect on food. 
The heavier, fat-dense parts of the food drop to the bottom, so avoid the lower 0.5cm of your cake. And yes, the calories from any icing drop through the cake and accumulate at the bottom too. See the below photo of a peanut butter and salted caramel brownie for a detailed explanation.

ß gravity means that the heavier, fat-dense calories fall to the bottom, so you should eat all this bit

ß but not this bit of the cake.

6. Eat outside more often!
Ah, al fresco eating. You can’t beat it. In from my extensive research and studies**, I can conclude that eating outside can help you consume fewer calories. Why? Well, if it’s windy, the wind simply blows away some of the calories! And if it’s sunny, well the sun just burns off some. Is it raining outside? Well great! The rain washes away some of the calories.

7. Exercise is good for everyone!
We all know that exercise helps burn off excess weight, but did you know that this extends to your food? Now, it does take a bit of time, but with a bit of planning you can snack on-the-go and not worry about gaining pounds. Simply pop your snack of choice (a Snickers bar for example) into your handbag and carry it with you on your day-to-day business. Not only are you burning calories by being active, but so is your chocolate bar! Simple!

8. Food that comes in two or more parts, divides the calories.
Well this is just simple mathematics. Food that is divided obviously contains a fraction of the calories found in the whole. For example, take this slice of this 4-layer white chocolate and cranberry cake. Well, as there are four parts – or layers - to the cake, evidently there are a quarter of the calories in a slice! 

9. Home-cooked food contains fewer calories!
It's home-made so therefore it is healthier and better for you. Time to fire up that oven and bake some cupcakes. Food bought from artisan shops has a similar effect. Just mind the mass-produced stuff. That contains LOADS of calories. As for organic???? Go for it. It's total carte blanche. Calorie and fat-free! 

10. Food eaten in the dark doesn't contain calories either!
Gosh, at the rate we're going, we'll be looking for tips to gain a few kilos, as if you follow all this advice, you may just fade away! Tip #10 is thanks to WhyIamnotskinny who tweeted me her words of wisdom: food eaten in the dark does not contain calories. I'm going to expand this slightly to not only include food eaten in the dark (such as a cinema) but also food consumed in the after-/nearly-/semi-/almost-dark (so, twilight, late evening, with one side lamp on, a rainy day, very early morning, curtains drawn, room with a very small window, tents, marquees, etc) is also included. The more philosophical amongst you could further expand upon this to if you're in a 'dark' mood or dressed in dark colours. Honestly, the world is your oyster here.

So, over to you. Do you have any top diet tips to share? And let me know if you are following the 365things plan – I’d love to hear how you are getting on. You may also inspire others with your success stories!

* Guaranteed? Eh… Maybe not.
** that'd be none at all.

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